For those of you who have been through it, the Matrix is a very personal experience, where “incredible” things just seem to happen. I want to share one such experience with you, one that I believe will be meaningful and significant for several reasons:
So you don't underestimate the early bond you had with your mother, and its current impact on your relationship with money.
To make good use of this time. The holidays with family are a gift. The more courage you can muster to explore and seek to understand the seemingly insignificant jabs, tension, or off-sided comments made by you or your family, the more insight and healing you’ll experience.
I hope my story serves to illustrate, yet again, the Matrix can and will exceed your greatest expectations, if you let it.
This beautiful woman is my mother. Sadly, we’ve been estranged for the past ten years.
Then surprisingly, out of the blue last week, I received a courageous email from her, asking if she could fly out and visit with Sophie and me over the holidays. Time was quickly passing her by, and she didn't want to wait any longer.
I was numb, elated and terrified all at once. The last time I saw my mother, Sophie was three months old. We were saying goodbye at the Calgary airport. And although our hugs and words were kind, I felt our farewell had a finality to it. One that left me sad, and has stayed with me for the past decade.
So of course, I knew it was a healing opportunity not to be ignored.
My mother had me when she was a young woman, 21 to be exact. I can’t even begin to imagine the courage it must have taken. She was alone, financially vulnerable, and without the support of a partner, in the 70s.
Her conviction wavered, ever so slightly, in the early months of my birth. Doing what she felt was best for me at the time, she agreed to have me adopted by a couple who were wishing for a child of their own.
Truthfully, I don’t know the full story, but I do know she was able to get me back shortly thereafter.
She has shared with me her memories of being scared and uncertain as she bundled me up that day, and boarded a bus to embark on our new life together. As she held me close, tears of relief and trepidation silently rolled down her cheeks the entire trip back to our small apartment.
Our relationship over the decades has been a close, yet turbulent one, as many single-parent/child relationships can be. As Mark Wolynn explains in his work, It Didn’t Start with You, this special bond can be especially tight.
As it is with each of us, my early relationship with my mother had a profound impact on my ability, or lack thereof, to build healthy relationships with friends, partners and money.
From the very beginning, my mother’s attention was diverted to the concerns at hand. Real worries that needed to be addressed. Where would we live? How would she earn money? Where would she find love and support?
It's only now, after after learning more about epigenetics and neuroscience, and studying the works of experts including Norman Doidge, Bruce Lipton, Joe Dispenza, Lindsay Gibon, and Mark Wolynn, that I now understand this early emotional break in the bond is what led to my perception of being immersed in an environment which was emotionally lacking or unsafe.
I say this without blame or judgement. It was my interpretation of the situation that led to the programming. My mother, as many of yours were, was doing the best she could with the tools she had at the time.
I wasn’t feeling nurtured, safe, fully loved or protected. And to ensure my survival, as all our brains will do (or at least the neurons within it), it released the signal to armour up and protect myself at all costs. Despite my neurons good intentions, this subconscious programming was extremely damaging to my relationships and of course, my financial situation.
I resisted love, so as not to get hurt. I subconsciously chose to stay indebted, so as to recreate the anxiety and stress I felt when I was young. I resisted saving and investing, so as to recreate the environment of insecurity. I chose low paying jobs, so as to prove to myself and others that if I worked hard (harder than most) only then would I be deserving of a raise or promotion.
But I'm not alone, we all do this!! This is how our subconscious brain works. It keeps you in a place you're familiar with, to protect you from the uncertainly of change.
I’m sharing my journey with you because, hopefully on some level there is a seed in this story that resonates with you and your narrative.
And here’s what I need you to know! Everything, and I mean everything, can be healed.
In 2014, when I first became aware of my destructive habits, I was so motivated to dig in and do what needed to be done, not just for my sake but for that of Sophie (who was six at the time). I didn’t want to pass on to her the barriers I had inherited and/or developed and continued to enforce for decades. I did not, do not, want that life for her.
Over the past five years, I have learned and grown so much. These years have been the catalyst and inspiration behind the Money Mastery Matrix. And with every shift, comes change.
My partner of 11 years, Sophie's father, left.
I’ve crawled and climbed my way through debt.
I’ve achieved new financial heights.
I've reconfigured my body and my mind.
But perhaps most importantly, over the past 24 months I’ve come to repair and heal many of the most valuable relationships in my life; my daughter, my friends, my father, my aunt Cathy and uncle Joe. And now, at long last, I have before me the gift of healing my beloved relationship with my mother.
If you’re familiar with my work, and the principles of the Matrix, you’ll understand my mother’s email on Thursday is not a coincidence.
Opportunities for growth and transformation are available to each of, every day. We simply need to be deliberate with our intentions, and choose to seize the opportunities when they present themselves.
Healing my relationship with my mother was desire. I didn’t know how, where or when the opportunity would surface. But I believed it would. And of course it did.
My mother was in my Matrix. What’s in yours?
My wish for you is that you have a holiday filled with gifts of happiness, joy and healing.
With my love and sincere appreciation,